Childophobia

This is my worst nightmare. I'm in the bus and going to a disable children's house called Seri Mengasih. It's a fun journey, discussing with my friends Sylves about microbacteria, but still i cannot concentrate on him, because i'm thinking of something else....


Do you have your own phobia? i mean something that you really afraid. Insects, animals, a condition maybe. Hmm, i have a lot for sure. I'm not a phobic man, but certain thing i cannot even look at or touch.

Some insects really frightening me such as a 'more than 4 legs' insects. Or animals. I really hate them. Maybe my past history or experience cause this. But this is common, nothing special about this kind of phobia. Some people phobia of height, and i don't know why they become like that but i'm the same. Why i hate more than 4 leg's animals? This is all about our cerebral cortex function...our cerebral cortex tell us to hate this thing.

One is really unique for me is.. i'm a childophobia. That's why i cannot concentrate to Sylves in the bus. I'm not happy about our journey today. Not really-really happy. Very not happy. Because weare going to visit the Disable childrens house. How can i get into this.

This visit is include in our syllabus, we've visit hospital, folk's home, mortuary, even rural village and i have a lots of fun in every visit. But this time..... A child's home? I cannot take this. I'm really phobia to children.

That's why in my family, all my aunties never ask me to take care of their children. And none of my cousins really want to be with me. Cause i'm phobia to them. If they get near me, i will put a barrier between them and me. And lots of my cousins afraid of me. But strangely, when they grow up a bit, they start to understand me, and they never labeled me as a bad person but they really know what type i am. All my cousins like me sometimes. Always like fun thing that i do. But still they know i'm a child phobia.

The only persons that know i'm a child phobia is my mother, father, sister, aunties, uncles, and my grandmother and grandfather. They know why I just sit quietly when my family visit a house with a baby or small children. I cannot control myself...to control myself is to just keep quiet and observe.

Contrast to me, my sister really love kids. She want to be a kindergarten teacher(she say so but now she is a Plant technology graduate). My mother also like children, my father also. I cannot describe, everyone seems to like children, baby, kids. But i don't. I want to runaway from kids if i can. I don't know why i become like this.

What if i have my own kids? My own baby? Hmm.. i'm going to think about it, but for sure i will not phobia to them cause looking to my attitude when i'm with my small cousin and when i'm with the other kids. It's different. I still can play a little bit with my small cousins but with some kids that don't have any realation to me, i won't say anything or will ignore them. Phobia to them. So thinking of this, i feel like i will totally love my own children in the future. If i think about it now,.......... i love them if i have.

But the main point now is, i'm going to this Child's house.. I'm going to die.

And finally, to shorten then story, what i do in this visit, is the same thing as before.... i just keep quiet and observe. and sometimes speak to my friend sylves, but not to the kids. I feel like i want to end the visit as soon as possible.

Once, Nadrin ask me to touch one of the kids there, if my friends realize that i'm the only one who never touch a children in that visit. I cannot. I'm scared. Phobia to it. Only my mother know about this. My family know. But my friends did not. Only, sylves, Nadrin, and Aaron know that i'm a childophobia.

So after the visit end, i feel very happy because i can go back to the hostel where there is no childrens there.

I'm very sorry because i've become like this. But i'm sure that i can change someday. Maybeif i have my own kids. But for now... ......i'm a childophobia.









-A Senior student in Seri Mengasih are doing woodwork. Better then me i think cause i really did not know how to any woodwork.







This is also a senior students doing some work...making a card i think. They are paid for this work. This school is great for disable child.Give a lot of benefits to them









Walking..walking... Seri Mengasih is a small school( it's actually nota school anymore, it's a center for disable children).







More of the student doing their daily job. They are well trained. They produce a high quality of art work.






This is the teacher in the center. Blur picture because they tell me to "go away, you are blocking the way!". Kahkah...Red background, actually we are in the sensory training room (if i'm not mistaken)



Sekolah Seri Mengasih, Front gate, where my breath almost stop when i reach here. I don't want to be a paediatric.










Classroom, even though their age are almost the age of the secondary school student, but their classroom look like a primary school one, or kindergarten. They were slow in developement who say here, some are Down's syndrome, William's Syndrome, and many mentality problem cause by abnormality in choromosomal number.


Me, with Nadrin sitting in one of the classroom. Well, we are flashing back our memory when we are in primary school. For your knowledge, maybe someof us think this classroom is like kindergarten, but when i was in primary school, it really look like this. My primary school is small and poor. A village school. So when i was here in Seri Mengasih, i felt like i'm going back to my primary school (my primary school not exist anymore or have been upgrade to a modern one). Nadrin feel the same thing to.


p/s: Seri Mengasih only get fund from people donation. If someone want to donate, please do so. But i forget their phonenumber. But still you can find it easily here in Kota Kinabalu Sabah. Just say Seri Mengasih, people will know because they are famous for their artwork, cards etc.

p/s: What if i become a childophobia for the rest of my life? Nope! For sure i will change. I remember when me and my friends gather ( reunion) a few years ago, and one of us say, " I feel like i want to be father now if i could" and we all say, " that's true, if we can". But i don't want to have any responsibilty now. The only thing i want is to become a doctor, a ferrari car, a house, and lots of money. Wakaka...what kind of doctor i will be? ;-P.

To have something is to lose something

Never surrender. That's all i know that i can do. I won't give up.

At first, to have something is to lose something for me is a rubbish sentence.We can have anything in this world if we work hard without losing something. It's the payment for our hardwork. But still this philosophy is haunting me.
I love philosophy about life. I love when someone describing our life using anything that exist in this world. If we look deeper, we sure cannot find the true meaning of life, but we can describe it the way we want to. That's why i love to think about something, anything that i saw, i feel, and i experience.
Lots of thing happen in my life for this 19 years. Well, i'm going up to 20 years old a few days onwards. Hmm, 20 years old. what should i do on my 20th birthday? I sit back again and i start to remember each birthday celebration that i had. I can remember it clearly. Sometimes blur because i'm confuse about my past birthday celebration. It's somekind like the same thing every year. Birthday cake, family, sometimes friends. I enjoy every birthday celebration that i had even it was only a small party.
Flashing back to my 17th years old birthday. I'm in form 4. I went outing from the hostel andmy family gave me a suprise party when i reach my house. I have my birthday cake every year you know. Even we did not celebrate my birthday, but cake is obligate. And every year i received my birthday present.

18th years old birthday... my friends start telling me to do illegal stuff...well they mean illegal stuff for under age person. passing 18years old is very hard..keke.. Everything you want to do, suddenly you will be stop if you still below 18years old. So when i rach 19years old, i'm feel like i want to be free.

But still the same i am. I've change for sure, but i still look like i was in form 4. Or form 3. Still the same old zaki. But now more serious i think. I'm going to be serious with my life now.

I have almost everything when i was 19 years old. Lots of experience i gain when i was 19. Now i'm going to be 20. I want to stop doing crazy stuff. I don't know what crazy stuff i did. But teenage boy should always live life for fun. Happy go lucky. So maybe every 19years old boy dping same stuff like me. But for sure, a lot of them did not. Because living in Labuan, Sabah, living in hostel, non hostel school, everything i've experience. Joining hip hop gangsta, joining school gangsta, everything i want to try. I'm sticking with my principle, YOU CANNOT TELL SOMETHING IS BAD IF YOU DID NOT TRY IT! I appy this to a most of what i've done. But sometimes there is exception. Because sometimes you think it logically. I don't want to bring a lot of responsibility into my adult life. Think about it!

Finally i'm settle in UMS medical school. I'm seeing my future now. If i put a more determination and more hardwork, i will get my future soon. But i know, to have something, i will have to lose something. Is this thing true? I don't know. I'm scared about it. Cause entering the medical school that i want,... i have to lose someone. I'm starting to believe about this. I'm starting to become more curious about a lot of thing.

I'm seeing this life like car. To produce energy, we must burn another energy.

Life cannot be destroy but it can change. And everytime it change, you will lose some of it.

See...see.. i'm losing 20 years of my life time just to enter this medical school ( i lie because when i'm born, i never think of becoming doctor. I start to think about it when i was in primary school)


zaki. 24/02/2006

Light Fiesta ( 18/02/2006 )

Another Saturday night, but it seems that this one will never become boring as before. Well, me and a few of my friends already bought a ticket to Fiesta Cahaya or Light Fiesta.
I didn’t know actually what this fiesta for… I know that they will be a lot of beautiful light, maybe, and a lot of dancing. It is one of the Indian celebrations, and I didn’t know actually why it is held. But it sure will fill empty Saturday night.

I hope that this fiesta is better than Pesta Angpow ( Chinese celebrations) that held a month before. And if I compare Pesta Angpow preparations is much better than this Light Fiesta. But I’m still waiting for a lot of surprise and excitement in it.

Well, to be honest, lots of my friends said that Pesta Angpow is boring…and last year Light Fiesta is sucks, thus as an hypothesis, this year Light Fiesta also must be sucks.
Light Fiesta and Pesta Angpow were held every year here in Universiti Malaysia Sabah by two differenet community that are India and Chinese community respectively. And I’m as a Malay have a chance to watch both of them. That is the unique thing about Malaysia ..ermmm… correction….Sabah! Only here in Sabah all races can live together and enjoy everything together. It is more likely that any other part in Malaysia were not like Sabah. It’s wrong to say that all races live peacefully and harmony together in Malaysia, well actually I think in Malaysia they only live together but to live harmony and peacefully we must say only in Sabah. Am I right? Anyone did not agree…than research for it. You’ll find the true. Even when I say I want to go to Light Fiesta to one fella from outside of sabah (don’t want to tell la which part of Malaysia), he said to me that Muslim cannot go that fiesta. What the heck? Muslim must be sit under tempurung ka? And even non- Sabah Chinese majority of them don’t want to go to this fiesta to support Indian Community. Well, Sabah is not like this actually but people from outside still don’t understand Sabah.

Proud to say, I’m also considered as a Sabahan ( even though I’m from Labuan- a small island near sabah that had become a federal territory so most people said that Labuan is not a part of sabah, but geographically, it is). As a Sabahan, I celeberate almost everything but I still stick to my religion but I found it is interesting to live with other religion. No religion is better in our eyes, only God knows, and please believe what you want to believe.

Okay, back to the story, so I went to this fiesta with 4 of my Sabahan( Sabah’s people) friends and 4 of them from Peninsular Malaysia. Well actually not all people from outside Sabah are the same. 4 of my friends from Peninsular Malaysia but still they come with us to this fiesta. And they all Muslim.

That night was crowded, we pay RM7 for a ticket so I hope that I will not be disappointed of it. And in the entrance to the main hall of the fiesta, they are coloured hulled rice that designed into a beautiful pattern, it’s abstract but still beautiful. It is a good sign maybe. Perhaps the show will be much better than this.To shorten this story, I tell you all that I’m very satisfied with the show. This Fiesta is the Best since I joined this University. Some of my friends said that it was better than Pesta Angpow. Not to compare, but that’s the way to express what they feel that night.

Very great. That’s all I can say. The dancing, the surprises, joke, the lights, music, almost every part of the show keeps giving me more and more excitement until the end. What a great show it is. And I did not realize so much talented dancers in University Malaysia Sabah. No one can beat Indian dance. Thay culture dance and modern dance, both I like it. I don’t like to watch all kind of dance before ( my mother use to be a dancer and a dance teacher so I already boring to see people dance) but this time I stick two thumb up. Best!

Congratulations to the Indian community that held this wonderful show. I never suspect that RM7 ticket can give me a lot of excitement that night. More than 3 hours show that did not get me boring ( except some of them such as Multicultural dance). Multicurtural dance a little boring but the whole show is great.

Hmm.. I hope later there will be more like this kind of show. Its really change my Saturday night into a colourful one. All of us went back from the show with a big smile and a lot of story to tell.

The faces of my friends enjoying the show(above)

Me..(below)

Zaki 18/02/2006

When it come to music

When it come to music i'm the first one who'll be there.
And in this few weeks, i'm so busy studying medicine, doing assigment and thinking about exam.
One night, I play the classical song 'Simple Regret' (only halfway) then i stop cause my finger cannot press the 12th fret correctly. it produce a sound like...like...sucks sound. Then i try again and again. A few minutes later my roommate play a song called 'Photo souevenir' a classical frace song and it was very impressive.

Now its the time to say.... i'm losing out my ability. Now i realize, my hand not so soft in playing a guitar like before. Why? I take it positively, it's because i did not practice a lot in playing guitar like my roomate ( maybe science social got more time to relax and play guitar). I remember what my 'guitar teacher' said to me 2 years ago, "if you want to play like hemmet, all you have to do is practice".

Keke... I remember the first time i hold a guitar, everyone is laughing at me. No one believe that i can learn how to play it. I have no teacher, no past history on taking music lesson, my father did not play guitar, my mother did not know how to play any musica instrument, and my sister only know how to sing. And she sing perfectly.

But i did it, i learn it without anyone teaching me. I remember the first time i went to a jamming studio, the first time i play infront of people, the first time i've been laugh cause they say i don't know how to pull a string, the first time i meet charles, william, and faruq, that teach me a lot on this stuff. Ya'll always been remember.

Now, if someone want to learn to play guitar to me, i sometimes refuse not because i don't want to teach, but because i feel that i'm not that enough to teach. But somehow i will teach. But i usually will not teach like anyone else teach. I won't play a song and teach you how to play it...cause the way i learn is by learning the basic, but now people learn guitar by copying how to play a song. No one know how to holg Gm, G# or any minor chord.

Hmm... Now i see my roommate. He is good, and i've been left behind. I know that it's not possible to me to catch up him but i will do it slowly, cause i still happy that he is with me in the our room playing the same type of song everynight.

Maybe one day i will beat him, charles, william or faruq. All i have to do is practice. But this people is the one who teach me, thus i won't compare them to me. They are too expert in this game. p/s: I'm very sad cause after many years, i still cannot play guitar like a pro. Why?Why?Why?Maybe my fingers are different.




p/s: I only know how to play a few song, know how to play guitar doesn't mean you know every song.

p/s: i Still cannot copy some song such as Luhur by Kamikaze. p/s: Why i learn to play guitar is because i'm crazy of it. Not because i want to show off. I tell you all, I'm really going down now because i did not practice.

p/s: I hate people that play guitar to show off to girls! I won't play guitar infront of a girl if i could.

p/s: Guitar have their own gender. My guitar is female one. It sound more feminin. p/s: My guitar gender is female, thus i won'tlet any female play it. Got it? Male guitar played wether by maleor female, but my female guitar cannot touch by a girl. My principle. I copy this from someone who really pro playing guitar.

p/s: The only girl that touch and play my guitar is Agnetha my x-classmate. And i scold wilson ( my classmate also) because let her play my guitar.

p/s: We don't play guitar, we play music.

p/s: If i could, i won't tell anyone that i can play guitar, but i don't have anything to say in this blog so i talk about it.

p/s: if you are a girl so your chance to see me play guitar is 0.0001. Except i play it in public.

p/s: I always feel sad when i play Man Bai-Kau Ilhamku, cause i play this song during our first Pupuk visit, and salleh and Syazwan are the one who tell me to play. Medic student remember that you all sing Man Bai-Kau Ilhamku at Sikuati 2?

p/s: Now i improved that song (Man bai-Kau Ilhamku). The first time i play at Sikuati i just play something that sound fit to the song. Now i learn how to play it the way Man Bai did.

p/s: The most sad song in my life are Romance( classical france song, but people usually identified this song by calling it Autumm in my heart). I've been ask by someone to play this song infront of her. I did learn and when it's the time i want to play this song for her, i've lost her, and i will never have a chance to play that song to her ever again. That's why i feel like i want to cry if i play this song.

p/s: I have female, and male guitar. Male guitar sounds better.

p/s: There is one girl name Joanne if i'm not mistaken that really beat me by her very proffessional technique of playing guitar. She strum faster then me, and she tune the E string during a song to make a up tune sound. I hate her the most. One day i'll create my own technique such as playing with my feet or head maybe.

p/s: My mother always angry with me if spent too much time on with my guitar.

p/s: mY family like me to play romantic and classical song so now i'm trying to learn it. p/s: Now, for sure, no one is laughing at me again when i hold a guitar.

p/s: Where i want to go now with my guitar? Well, i want to complete my study, become a doctor, then i want to play guitar infront of my patient. Wakakakak... i'm so crazy.

p/s: I also want to play that Romance song again in front of her, God..please...give her back just once... Cannot ka? Just once please. 3 minutes only. 5 minutes la...then she can go..... If i'm just pretending to play that song infront of her it will be meaningless. Just once...just once.....AAA I'M SO CRAZY.




ascap23 17/02

Haunted SKTM

Haunted SKTM

What a boring night for me. It’s Saturday night, but still boring. Nothing to do. Hmm, and my money is reducing. I only got RM 0.50 in my wallet after been cheated by those stupid people in cafeteria. They are not doing business by selling food but cheating their customers. You see, I went to the café and order Nasi Goreng Sambal Udang and on the list it say the fried rice cost RM3. But after a few minutes (urm…hour) waiting, then the price increase to RM3.50. How can? I ask the cashier about the increasing price and he ‘slumber’ said that the price just increase. JUST INCREASE!!!???

It doesn’t matter if the fried rice is not sucks! What a wonderful world of Kampung C/D. Now, I have no money, and I feel very unsatisfied of everything.

Looking at my roommate Vinoden, I think of something.

“Vnod, you free ka tonight?

“Why?”

“Let’s go to the bank. I want to withdraw some money.”

And as usual, Vinoden will agree. Borrow the other friends motorcycle, we both went to the bank to withdraw some money and Vinoden said that he want to stop at SKTM to meet his friend there, trying to help his friend to connect to the internet.

When we arrive at SKTM (Forget to tell, SKTM stand for Sekolah Kejuruteraan and Teknologi Maklumat), I look around, and it was very quiet there. Then I remembered that people always said that SKTM is haunted.

“Vnod, got ghost ka here?” I asked.

“ I don’t know la..” Simple answer as usual. No one knows really about this haunted theory.

“It’s for us to investigate Vnod.,” it’s very fun to investigate something.. I really like it. If we really find a ghost there then we will become famous among our friends. Kahkah…I don’t know what I’m thinking.

The question is…. SKTM really is a haunted place?

Lets see…. What can I say…

So this is SKTM, its more beautiful than SST I think. It’s very quiet at night. But is it really quiet because no one there? Is it really no one there?

Vinoden and me walking through the quiet corridor…. its cold, quiet, suitable for ghost to live there. Or here in this corridor.

We found a classroom, but… where is Vinoden’s friend? Not there. I said “ Are you sure your friend that told us to come here Vinod?”

Maybe this is just a ghost trick to us. Ask us to come there and eat us alive…

We continue our search for Vinoden’s friends. And my search for a ghost. Really want to meet one. But I’m sure if I meet one then I will runaway faster than Formula 1 racing car. Keke.

Where is the ghost…oopss..where is your friend Vnod?

Okay, okay. Quit playing around…actually, there is no ghost at SKTM. Or none of them appear that night. What I found actually? I found that SKTM is very interesting at night because there provide free internet there 24 hours. And we can use it without being monitored by anyone. And I found many couples there, locking the tutorial room door, and surf internet privately, and I don’t know what page they surf until they need to lock the door…I wonder…keke…

Found Vinoden’s friends, trying to connect to the internet. I think this is it. Nothing really interesting there in SKTM, except for those who bring their girlfriend there.

Like Vinoden say “ Here we can use tutorial room 24 hours to surf internet, can bring your awek and can do Sex also here.”

I look in every tutorial room… yes.. anyone can do sex there. Just lock the door and turn off the light. There must be someone that have done that before. Trust me.

But for me what did I do there that night? Keke.. I play with the OHP… I wonder if I can steal this thing. SKTM really brave to trust student in UMS. Anyone can steal this OHP.

Arrrr… what a boring story I wrote here I told it before, it was a boring night for me..

What I really want to say is, there is no ghost at SKTM, and the only ghost is the devil that sit between the girls and the boys inside a lock tutorial room. Even though its boring but I enjoyed myself at SKTM doing nothing. And I plan to come there again next time and I want to use the internet there rather than going to SST (Sekolah sains dan Teknologi) or library.

You all can say this story sucks but I enjoyed writing it. That’s the weird part of me, I enjoy doing thing that everyone else did not. That’s me. Peace and break love to pieces and divide.

Zaki, 11/02/2006

The mystery is, who take al of those picture? Some picture look weird because I don’t know whose taking it??????

Joy of riding bus

Some people think i'm weird, because i wait for bus every day....

What kind of sentence is that? There is nothing weird about a guy who love to ride bus rather than take a lift with his friends car or motorcyle.

Almost all of my friends already have their own transport today. They no longer for bus every morning. I have a few friends with me waiting for bus every morning. Sometimes i wait for bus with my roomate.

Many people told me to go and buy one vehicle for myself but i say no.

If i want to ride a car to the class or ride a motorbike, i can just ask a lift from my friends. But i don't want to. Because, after entering Universiti Malaysia Sabah, I finally discovered some feeling, a satiety feeling when riding a bus.

Before this, when i was still in my hometown Labuan, i seldomly ride a bus because i have my own car. So everywhere i go, i use my car. I think driving is very fun. I like driving. I drive a lot on weekend, went to town, Beach, everywhere around Labuan Island.

Universiti Malaysia Sabah

After entering UMS, i have no choice rather than take a bus to the class ot to the town. At first, i feel this is a big big problem and i feel it is very difficult. I have to wait for a long long time before the bus come. Have to wake up early in the morning.

But why now, when i have a choice wether take a bus or ride with my friend's car, i choose bus?

The cardinal reason are, i enjoy riding a bus.

First, i wake up early in the morning. I feel very hard to wake up and i feel very lazy to get up from my bed. Thentake a cool, very very cool shower. Then prepare myself to go to the bus stop while my roomate is still in their dream. Then, i walk down the hill to the bus stop. There will be a lot of people there. Lots of people. Then i wait......
Wait...
wait...
And wait...keep waiting.

Then i feel a little angry, "WHY THE BUS STILL NOT COMING!"

Then i heard other people also feel what i feel. Everyone start to sigh.
Everyone start asking, where is the bus?

Suddenly the bus will appear, and some unexplain feeling emerge in me.

Then, all the people at the bus stop, start to push each other to get into the bus. Sometimes it's very hard to get into thebus since there is so much people there and there is only one bus. And i hate when some guy start to show off and become gentlemen and let girls enter the bus first. What the heck? This is not a perfect time to show your kindness, or to win girls heart, this is a WAR. If you did not get into the bus, then you will be late and you are doom. I can say, stupid to all the guys that act this kind of way.

If you want to become gentlemen, then become one in the correct way. Don't hurt women, don't play their feelings. don't hate them, talk nice with them. Help them if they need help ( no one ask help to ride a bus accept handicapped), give them flowers if you like.

But in this situation while you are trying to get into the bus, should you let all girls enter first while there are a lot of boys behind you. You no what girls will think if you do like that? They say "haha, i'm very lucky today because of that stupid guy".

For me, just get into the bus as soon as possible so the bus wil never leave you. And don't push girls, because we will hurt them if we do so. No need to show off that you are a gentlemen la...

Fuh... finally after a tough condition. o manage to get into the bus. very tough.
Then i look for a seat. And if i found it, i will sit down, and feel very satisfy. And that unexplain feeling appear again. I love that feeling. I don't know how to describe it but i enjoy it. Its like a feeling when you have to do a lot of hard work before you get your payment.

This feeling that keeps me waiting for bus everyday. cause i enjoy it. It's the joy of riding a bus. I feel very happy along the way to the class everyday because of this.

Thatz why i don't want to ride my friend's vehicle. I want to enjoy this feeling as mush as i can. Maybe someday the feeling will dissappear, t think so. So now, i have to enjoy it before its gone.

So next time, when my friends ask me why i always take a bus to the class? I'll say, i enjoy it. And i can't explain until you get this feeling on your own.

Zaki 10/02/2006

Finally I start this blogspot blog. For a very long time i've been monitoring blogspot, and check wether it is good or worse. Now I'm using blogspot to continue my blogging hobby.

It's a hard decision since i've already created my blog in friendster, i post so many thing then i have to leave it all. I don't know how to import that post from friendster into this new blog. But maybe i can start from the scratch here.

I remember the first time i join friendster, on the year 2000 maybe. I was in form 2. Someone invite me to joind friendster then i join but friendster was not crowded that time, not like today. So i feel its boring so i don't give a lot attention on it.

I'm very interested in creating my own personal website that time. I unofficial web site for my school, and it's very fun. Maybe some of my friends remember that page. Have a wrestling video inside it, and a lot of text marqueeze.

I love doing my own personal web site. Its very interesting..keke

OK.. after that, friendster explode, everyone talk about it. So i register again an account on friendster, and i;m pretty suprise that it is crowded, so many people inside. And i found something more interesting that is friendster blog!

I start using friendster blog to create my own site. At first not to serious. Update it once a month or once in 2 month. But i was pretty happy when someone is reading it. I thought that they will be no one reading my blog. I just do it for my own fun.

Next, i updated my blog recently. I want people to read about my life, idea, my art, philosophy, music and my untold story. I stick with Friendster blog for about 2 years maybe. Or one year and a half.

I remember one time when i 'bleach' my blog to start a new blog then i regret it, because i lost all my post. I start it from scratch when i enter University.

Now i did it again. I change to Blogspot and i have to leave my old blog. Hmm.. and the old post.... i already copy it and post it here but i guess no one will read it, i don't want to read it either, it's very *****. Straight copy from notebook. I just want to keep it so it will not dissaper like the older-older one i delete when i enter U.

So.. now..i think i want ti stick this blog as my permanent one. I choose to change because one day at CC, i saw someone i'm not familiar is sitting in front of a computer and reading my blog. I'm very happy about that, but i saw that person trying to sent comment but cannot because friendster only allow their member to post a comment. I see this blogspot it more open. So here i am. starting from the begining. 2006.

I dont want to look back, i want to continue doing thing i like to do even though no one realize it. I just want to do it.